her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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