This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
