well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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