I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
