We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
