We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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