just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Randomize
