Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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