Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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