cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
