You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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