this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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