when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
