I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
