I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
