he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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