How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Screwed.edu
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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