Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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