I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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