I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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