But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
