your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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