soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
