Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
