so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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