Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
