The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just found a bag of teeth...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
