I think my fart just growled at me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Randomize
