I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
