The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
