Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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