Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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