I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
