am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its not stalking. its research.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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