is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
