I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
