i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
