ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
