What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
