Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
