apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think i have two assholes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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