Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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