Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
