If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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