I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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