So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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