C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
