Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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