Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
