Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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