is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
