im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
