The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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