He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
