Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
